Boom VisionTM Podcast

Ep. 62: Setting Healthy Boundaries: The Art of Being Kind versus Being Nice 

 

‚ÄúCompassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They‚Äôre compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.‚ÄĚ - Brene Brown

Folks, do you find it difficult to set healthy boundaries in your life?  Whether that's personally, professionally, or spiritually?

Quote:¬†‚ÄúBoundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal and necessary.‚ÄĚ - Doreen Virtue

Folks, do you feel lately that your boundaries are being tested? Do you struggle to say 'no' to someone because you want to be 'nice' to the person? When was the last time you learn how to be kind to yourself?  In today's episode, I'm going to share my personal story, what I have realized makes the difference between being 'nice' versus being 'kind', and how you can create healthy boundaries for yourself!  I will share:

  1. Personal Story: Middle School - Stationary Guy
  2. Difference between being 'nice' versus being 'kind'
  3. Are you setting healthy boundaries in your life?
  4. Being 'Kind' & selfless AND prioritizing self care is possible!
  5. I'll share action steps how you can create healthy boundaries in your life!

Show Notes

[1:56] Hi folks, welcome to episode 62 of the Boom Vision podcast!

Over hear in the US, we're about to celebrate Thanksgiving holidays, an opportunity for families and loved ones to get together and express their gratitudes. I can't help but pick today's topic of setting boundaries because it came up multiple times throughout different coaching sessions this month. And you know me, when I hear it more than twice, it tells me it's on collective consciousness and that I should talk about it!

So let's dive right in: today we're going to talk about setting healthy boundaries.

[3:12]  Personal Story: Middle School - Stationary Guy

[6:42]  Takeaway: What I've learned these past few decades is this: A 'kind' act versus a 'nice' act comes down to intentions. Is your intent for taking any action, because you care about someone? Is it from compassion? Or is it because you want to be polite? Is perhaps the reason why you are being nice is because deep down you want to be liked?

[9:08] Quote: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." - Brene Brown

‚ÄúGivers need to set limits because takers rarely do.‚ÄĚ ‚ÄĒRachel Wolchin

This is why back in Episode 39: Cultivating Your Network: Knowing When to Hold'em and Fold'em, I talk about 1+1 = 2, Infinity or 0. 

Main Takeaway: Being 'kind' and selfless vs prioritizing your own self care is not an OR statement. 

Imagine you live in a world where the more priority you place in self care, enables you more energy to be selfless. It's an AND statement.

The more energy you have for yourself, as you grow your container and being mindful that it's always more than half full, the more you allow yourself to give and be 'kind' without feeling depleted.

[12:50]  Action Steps

With that said, what are this week's ACTION STEPS?

  • C -¬†Calm Yourself:¬†Calm yourself by taking a deep breathe, like the¬† breath work exercise 1 min. exercise. (subscribe below to get your free 1-minute breath work file).
  • A - Awareness:¬† In that calm state, bring awareness to your body on how you are feeling. The awareness I want you to bring your attention to,¬†is a reflection of yourself.¬† If someone were to describe you in one word¬†would they say you are 'kind' or 'nice'? Do you resonate with either word? There's no right or wrong, it's mainly to bring awareness in this self reflection.
  • L - Language:¬† I want you to pay attention to the thoughts that are going through your mind. What language do you use when you ask yourself this question:
    • Do I prioritize self care in my life?
    • Will I authentically tell someone 'no' if my heart does not want to do something?

Take 2 small steps this week:

1. Self Care: What is one thing you will do for yourself this week that replenishes your energy? Me time? 

2. When someone ask you to do something for them, or invite you to something. If your heart truly does not want to go because you can feel your energy will be depleted rather than replenished, kindly reply: Thank you for the invite but I need to decline. Allow yourself to say 'no' without expressing sorry or apologizing. 

[18:01] Final Thoughts

Quote: "To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness." - Confucius

Folks, I hope today's sharing you get a glimpse of how to better establish healthy boundaries, if you feel you've been tested these past few weeks. Especially as we head into the holiday season, as we meet up with family, relatives and loved ones, you might not necessarily see eye to eye with someone in those gatherings. It's ok to give yourself the permission to create a healthy space, a healthy boundary on what you will allow and not allow.  You can always do it kindly, you don't have to do it nicely if it oversteps your boundaries

‚ÄúBe kind whenever possible. It is always possible.‚ÄĚ ‚ÄĒThe 14th Dalai Lama.

You got this!!

I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a DM on IG (@benjaminyeh). I'd love to hear if this resonates with you!

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